i 'want' Phone.
It's Apple's latest shitz and they came up with a new handphone. Wow wee. Now everyone will want one just like the iPod. bah. Biggie deal.
Anyways,
Played paintball last Friday w/ Kwee, Patrick, ChorYeow, John and his Monash lackeys. Oh, ChorYeow brought a friend too. Will go into more detail next time when i get pictures from Patrick. (i didn't bring my camera cause someone took it from me :( )
Anyway, joke of the day;
Morning Wood
(the male author was responding to a woman who accidentally walked into the men's restroom):
Please don't feel bad. It wasn't you entering the men's washroom that caused that guy to pee on the guy next to him. Hell, we do that all the time. It's rare for us guys to ever hit what were aiming for. Sometimes I go into the washroom, start to pee, and then just start spinning around; just so I'll make sure I hit something.
You see, something you ladies should understand by now is that men's penises have a mind of their own. A guy can go into a bathroom stall because all the urinals are being used, take perfect aim at the toilet, and his penis will still manage to piss all over the roll of toilet paper, down his left pant leg, and onto his shoe. I'm telling 'ya those little buggers can't be trusted.
After being married 28 years my wife has me trained. I'm no longer allowed to pee like a man - standing up. I am required to sit down and pee. She has convinced me that this is a small price to pay. Otherwise if she had gone to the toilet one more time at night and either sat on a pee soaked toilet seat, or fell right into the toilet because I forgot to put the seat down, she was going to kill me in my sleep.
Now another thing us guys don't usually like to talk about, but because you and I have become such good friends and you think I'm a classy guy, I might as well be candid with you because it's a real problem, and you ladies need to be understanding. It's the dreaded "morning wood".
Most mornings us guys wake up with two things. A tremendous desire to pee, and a penis so hard you could cut diamonds with it. Well, no matter how hard you try, you can't get that thing to bend, and if it don't bend you can't aim, well hell, if you can't aim you have no choice but to piss all over the wallpaper and that damn fuzzy toilet seat cover you women insist on putting on the toilet.
And by the way, when you use those damn fuzzy toilet seat covers, the friggin' toilet seat won't stay up by itself. So that means we have to use one hand to hold up the toilet seat and the other hand to try to control ourselves for that perfect aim.
Now sometimes, when you're newly married, (and I know the guys in here will back me up on this) you think you can get the toilet seat with that damn fuzzy thing to stay up. You jam it back and compress that fuzzy thing until the seat stays there. OK, so you start to pee, but then that compressed fuzzy starts to decompress and without warning that damn toilet seat comes flying down and tries to whack off your weenie.
So us guys will not lift a toilet seat with a fuzzy, it's just not safe. I tried to delicately explain this morning situation to my wife. I told her . . . look, it won't bend. She said, "sit down like I told you to do all the rest of the time." OK. I tried sitting down on the toilet with "morning wood".
Well it's is very hard to get it bent under the toilet seat, and before I could manage it, I had pissed all over the bath towels hanging on the wall across the room. Now, even if you are sitting down and you can get it forced down under the toilet seat, when you start to pee the pee shoots out from the crack between the bottom of the toilet seat and the top of the bowl. You piss all over the back of your knees and it runs down the back of our legs on to that damn matching fuzzy horseshoe rug you keep putting on the floor in front of the toilet.
I have found the only effective maneuver to deal with this morning urinary dilemma is to assume the flying superman position laying over the toilet seat. This takes a great deal of practice, perfect balance, and split time precision but it's the only sure way to get all the pee in the bowl during the first morning pee.
So you ladies have to understand that us men are not totally to blame. We are sensitive to your concerns about hygiene and bathroom cleanliness, but there are times when things just get beyond our control.
It's not our fault, it's just Mother Nature.
Now, if it was Father Nature,... there wouldn't have been a problem!!!
Joke ends here.
Remember the little trivia from Dexter's Laboratory on my last post? Nvm. Don't click on the link. I'll just repost the "joke" :)
A physics professor and his assistant are working on liberating negatively charged hydroxyl ions, when all of a sudden, the assistant says,
"Wait, Professor! What if the salicylic acids do not accept the hydroxyl ions?"
And the professor responds, "That's no hydroxyl ion! That's my wife!".
Since you have been patient enough and have tuned in just for the answer, i present to you, my loyal readers, the interpretation of this ..."joke".
:)
Let's get started.
First, to liberate means to free. So, Liberate = Free. The point of this whole joke is to conclude that the hydroxyl ion is his wife. So, Hydroxyl ion = Wife.
Anyways,
Played paintball last Friday w/ Kwee, Patrick, ChorYeow, John and his Monash lackeys. Oh, ChorYeow brought a friend too. Will go into more detail next time when i get pictures from Patrick. (i didn't bring my camera cause someone took it from me :( )
Anyway, joke of the day;
Morning Wood
(the male author was responding to a woman who accidentally walked into the men's restroom):
Please don't feel bad. It wasn't you entering the men's washroom that caused that guy to pee on the guy next to him. Hell, we do that all the time. It's rare for us guys to ever hit what were aiming for. Sometimes I go into the washroom, start to pee, and then just start spinning around; just so I'll make sure I hit something.
You see, something you ladies should understand by now is that men's penises have a mind of their own. A guy can go into a bathroom stall because all the urinals are being used, take perfect aim at the toilet, and his penis will still manage to piss all over the roll of toilet paper, down his left pant leg, and onto his shoe. I'm telling 'ya those little buggers can't be trusted.
After being married 28 years my wife has me trained. I'm no longer allowed to pee like a man - standing up. I am required to sit down and pee. She has convinced me that this is a small price to pay. Otherwise if she had gone to the toilet one more time at night and either sat on a pee soaked toilet seat, or fell right into the toilet because I forgot to put the seat down, she was going to kill me in my sleep.
Now another thing us guys don't usually like to talk about, but because you and I have become such good friends and you think I'm a classy guy, I might as well be candid with you because it's a real problem, and you ladies need to be understanding. It's the dreaded "morning wood".
Most mornings us guys wake up with two things. A tremendous desire to pee, and a penis so hard you could cut diamonds with it. Well, no matter how hard you try, you can't get that thing to bend, and if it don't bend you can't aim, well hell, if you can't aim you have no choice but to piss all over the wallpaper and that damn fuzzy toilet seat cover you women insist on putting on the toilet.
And by the way, when you use those damn fuzzy toilet seat covers, the friggin' toilet seat won't stay up by itself. So that means we have to use one hand to hold up the toilet seat and the other hand to try to control ourselves for that perfect aim.
Now sometimes, when you're newly married, (and I know the guys in here will back me up on this) you think you can get the toilet seat with that damn fuzzy thing to stay up. You jam it back and compress that fuzzy thing until the seat stays there. OK, so you start to pee, but then that compressed fuzzy starts to decompress and without warning that damn toilet seat comes flying down and tries to whack off your weenie.
So us guys will not lift a toilet seat with a fuzzy, it's just not safe. I tried to delicately explain this morning situation to my wife. I told her . . . look, it won't bend. She said, "sit down like I told you to do all the rest of the time." OK. I tried sitting down on the toilet with "morning wood".
Well it's is very hard to get it bent under the toilet seat, and before I could manage it, I had pissed all over the bath towels hanging on the wall across the room. Now, even if you are sitting down and you can get it forced down under the toilet seat, when you start to pee the pee shoots out from the crack between the bottom of the toilet seat and the top of the bowl. You piss all over the back of your knees and it runs down the back of our legs on to that damn matching fuzzy horseshoe rug you keep putting on the floor in front of the toilet.
I have found the only effective maneuver to deal with this morning urinary dilemma is to assume the flying superman position laying over the toilet seat. This takes a great deal of practice, perfect balance, and split time precision but it's the only sure way to get all the pee in the bowl during the first morning pee.
So you ladies have to understand that us men are not totally to blame. We are sensitive to your concerns about hygiene and bathroom cleanliness, but there are times when things just get beyond our control.
It's not our fault, it's just Mother Nature.
Now, if it was Father Nature,... there wouldn't have been a problem!!!
Joke ends here.
Remember the little trivia from Dexter's Laboratory on my last post? Nvm. Don't click on the link. I'll just repost the "joke" :)
A physics professor and his assistant are working on liberating negatively charged hydroxyl ions, when all of a sudden, the assistant says,
"Wait, Professor! What if the salicylic acids do not accept the hydroxyl ions?"
And the professor responds, "That's no hydroxyl ion! That's my wife!".
Since you have been patient enough and have tuned in just for the answer, i present to you, my loyal readers, the interpretation of this ..."joke".
:)
Let's get started.
First, to liberate means to free. So, Liberate = Free. The point of this whole joke is to conclude that the hydroxyl ion is his wife. So, Hydroxyl ion = Wife.
Hydroxyls, which contain at least one hydroxide (-OH), are alcohols. Does it mean that the wife is drunk? :S
Secondly -
"Wait, Professor! What if the salicylic acids do not accept the hydroxyl ions?"
Salicyclic acid is a plant hormone used as a medicine for acne. More importantly, it is carboxylic acid. An ester linkage is formed between a carboxyl and a hydroxyl, and in this case, salicylic acid and hydroxyl ions create aspirin, the pain reliever.
Thirdly -
A physics professor and his assistant are working on liberating negatively charged hydroxyl ions, when all of a sudden, the assistant says...
The hydroxyl ion is negatively charged, so the wife must've had some alcohol.
Finally -
"Wait, Professor! What if the salicylic acids do not accept the hydroxyl ions?"
And the professor responds, "That's no hydroxyl ion! That's my wife!".
Therefore, since salicylic acids = pain reliever and hydroxyl ions = wife = alcohol, it seems that the professor was only trying to give some aspirin to his wife, who has a hangover. The end :)
I still get the watafak smirk on my face. I'll try to get paintball pictures next week.
- take care and God bless.
- tsencai.
Secondly -
"Wait, Professor! What if the salicylic acids do not accept the hydroxyl ions?"
Salicyclic acid is a plant hormone used as a medicine for acne. More importantly, it is carboxylic acid. An ester linkage is formed between a carboxyl and a hydroxyl, and in this case, salicylic acid and hydroxyl ions create aspirin, the pain reliever.
Thirdly -
A physics professor and his assistant are working on liberating negatively charged hydroxyl ions, when all of a sudden, the assistant says...
The hydroxyl ion is negatively charged, so the wife must've had some alcohol.
Finally -
"Wait, Professor! What if the salicylic acids do not accept the hydroxyl ions?"
And the professor responds, "That's no hydroxyl ion! That's my wife!".
Therefore, since salicylic acids = pain reliever and hydroxyl ions = wife = alcohol, it seems that the professor was only trying to give some aspirin to his wife, who has a hangover. The end :)
I still get the watafak smirk on my face. I'll try to get paintball pictures next week.
- take care and God bless.
- tsencai.
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So, so wrong answer to the joke... No such thing as a Hydroxyl ion. A hydroxide ion is OH-. A Hydroxyl group is a hydroxide attached to another molecule and is oft written HO. Thus a"hydroxyl ion" would be HO-.
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