"Lessons"

"Lessons"

Lessons for life - adapted from Pooniel's blog.

1. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.
2. Memorise your favorite poem
3. Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.
4. When you say, "I love you", mean it.
5. When you say, "I'm sorry", look the person in the eye.
6. Be engaged at least six months before you get married.
7. Believe in love at first sight.
8. Never laugh at anyone's dreams.
9. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.
10. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.
11. Don't judge people by their relatives.
12. Talk slow but think quick.
13. When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask,"Why do you want to know?".
14. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
15. Call your mom.
16. Say "bless you" when you hear someone sneeze.
17. When you lose, don't lose the lesson.
18. Remember the three R's: Respect for self, Respect for others, Responsibility for all your actions.
19. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
20. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
21. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.
22. Marry someone you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.
23. Spend some time alone.
24. Open your arms to change, but don't let go of your values.
25. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
26. Read more books and watch less TV.
27. Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you'll get to enjoy it a second time.
28. Trust in God but lock your car.
29. A loving atmosphere in your home is so important. Do all you can to create a tranquil harmonious home.
30. In disagreements with loved ones, deal with the current situation. Don't bring up the past.
31. Read between the lines.
32. Share your knowledge. It's a way to achieve immortality.
33. Be gentle with the earth ... and yourself.
34. Pray. There's immeasurable power in it.
35. Never interrupt when you are being flattered.
36. Mind your own business.
37. Don't trust someone who doesn't close their eyes when you kiss them.
38. Once a year, go someplace you've never been before.
39. If you make a lot of money, put it to use helping others while you are living. That is wealth's greatest satisfaction.
40. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a stroke of luck.
41. Learn the rules, then break some.
42. Remember that the best relationship is one where your love for each other is greater than your need for each other.
43. Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.
44. Remember that your character is your destiny.
45. Approach love and cooking with reckless abandon.
46. A person who wears a fanny pack loves science fiction, and vice versa.
47. A person who wears a belt with shorts is probably religious.
48. If a person says he enjoys the opera, that person is a liar.
49. If the flyer shows the band standing on the railroad tracks, the band is shit.
50. If a guy has cords on his sunglasses, he's a dick. If the sunglasses are mirrored, he's probably dangerous.
51. All golfers like women.
52. If she smokes, she f*cks.
53. If a person says, "Go look in the sink" - don't.
54. Ugly travels in packs.
55. Nobody cares about the weird dream you had last night.
56. You CAN judge a book by its cover.
57. If a man says he has a large penis, he has a small penis. If a man says he has a small penis, he has a small penis.
58. If you open a shit cafe in a trendy neighborhood, people will line up with money in their hands begging to eat shit.
59. People who say, "Whoa, I'm not even going to touch that one!!" can't think of anything clever to say.
60. Never give yourself a haircut after three margaritas.
61. Old people always have exact change.
62. Stewardesses from Third World airlines are much more attractive than those from developed nations.
63. The slang used by teens in TV dramas is exactly 3.5 years behind actual slang.
64. When a man turns 23, it's very important he stop using the word party as a verb.
65. There is nothing that can be marketed that cannot be better marketed using the voice of James Earl Jones.
66. Drinks that give you bad breath: beer, anything sweet, anything with milk.
67. Drinks that give you good breath: gin and tonic, gimlet, vodka and cranberry, anything with citrus.
68. When you show up for a job interview: Be on time. Definition of "on time": exactly five minutes early, no less, no more.
69. All you need to know about which fork goes where: The cutlery you should be using for each course will be the cutlery farthest from the plate on each side of it during that course.
70. Scientific fact: Nobody is paying the slightest attention to which fork you're using unless you've stuck it into your head.
71. You need only two tools. WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD-40. If it moves and shouldn't, use the tape.
72. The five most essential words for a healthy, vital relationship "I apologize" and "You are right."
73. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
74. When you make a mistake, make amends immediately. It's easier to eat crow while it's still warm.
75. The only really good advice that your mother ever gave you was, "Go! You might meet somebody!"
76. If he/she says that you are too good for him/her... Believe them.
77. Learn to pick your battles; ask yourself, "Will this matter one year from now? How about one month? One week? One day?"
78. Never pass up an opportunity to piss.
79. If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You have another chance!
80. Living well really is the best revenge. Being miserable because of a bad or former relationship just might mean that the other person was right about you.80. Work is good, but it's not that important.
81. Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones.
82. At the end of every party there is always a girl crying.
83. Nobody ever dares make cup-a-soup in a bowl.
84. You're never quite sure whether it's ok to eat green crisps.
85. Everyone who grew up in the 80's has entered the digits 55378008 into a calculator.
86. Reading when you're drunk is horrible.
87. Sharpening a pencil with a knife makes you feel really manly.
88. Nobody ever dares make cup-a-soup in a bowl.
89. You never know where to look when eating a banana.
90. Prodding a fire with a stick makes you feel manly.
91. Rummaging in an overgrown garden will always turn up a bouncy ball.
92. You always feel a bit scared when stroking horses.
93. The smaller the monkey the more it looks like it would kill you at the first given opportunity.
94. Some days you see lots of people on crutches.
95. Every bloke has at some stage while taking a piss flushed half way through and then raced against the flush.
96. Its impossible to look cool whilst picking up a Frisbee.
97. Driving through a tunnel makes you feel excited.
98. You never ever run out of salt.
99. Old ladies can eat more than you think.
100. You can't respect a man who carries a dog.
101. There's no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when you've got your hand or head stuck in something.
102. No one knows the origins of their metal coat hangers.
103. The most painful household incident is wearing socks and stepping on an upturned plug.
104. People who don't drive slam car doors too hard.
105. You've turned into your dad the day you put aside a thin piece of wood specifically to stir paint with.
106. In every plate of chips there is a bad chip.

Ask too many times
Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? Well, I hope you remember my story when they start getting frustrated.

My three year old son, Matt, had a lot of problems with potty training; and I was on him constantly. One day we stopped at a Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between errands, it was very busy, withlong lines and a full dining room.

While enjoying my taco, I smelled something unpleasant so of course I checked my seven month old daughter and she was clean. Then I realized that Matt had not asked to go potty in a while, so I asked him and he said no. I kept thinking, oh Lord that child has had an accident and I didn't have a change of clothes for Mark with me.

Then I said, Matt are you sure you did not have an accident? I just knew that he must have had an accident, cause the smell was getting worse. SOOO, I asked one more time "MATT DID YOU HAVE AN ACCIDENT?"

This time with a little smirk on his face he jumped up and yanked down his pants, bent over and spread his cheeks and yelled, "SEE MOM IT'S JUST GAS!!!!"

While 100 people nearly choked to death on their tacos, he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down to eat his food as if nothing happened.

I was mortified, but some kind elderly people made me feel a lot better, when they came over and thanked me, for the best laugh they had ever had.

I don't like it when i'm repeatedly questioned the same answer :)

- take care and God bless, everyone.

- tsencai.